Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Lee in line for Oulton switch

Tonight Thomas Lee declared himself delighted to have been told "we'd love to sign you up" by Dave Beane, the head coach at Oulton Athletic. After just an hour's training where Lee took part in a full match playing up front on his own, more than one of the opposition defenders admitted that they hated defending against Lee. "Stay still you fucker" is what one defender said to Lee during the training match.

Lee is said to be sending his representatives, including his agent Eduardo Savarez to discuss terms in high profile talks at the West Riding County FA headquarters on Fleet Lane on Wednesday. Reports suggest Lee is in line for a lucrative contract to stay with the Woodlesford-based club.

Lee himself was pleased with his debut training session: "Yeah I'm pleased with my first training session. I thought I linked up well with AC Milan shirt guy, he urged the team on well and gold Leeds shirt dude did well on the left. I was happy with my 5 goals and some of my link up play but felt I could have done better with a bit more composure at times, particularly early on when I was finding my feet. But overall I'm happy and especially happy with some of my finishes, especially my second goal".

The goal Lee referred to was a splendid goal whipped into the top corner from the left hand side of the edge of the penalty area which bended wickedly into the top corner, leaving Tony Pulis-lookalike and his teammates helpless to stop it.

Tony Pulis-lookalike had this to say on the game: "well I thought we did well in the first haaaarrrf of the game. We defended well but in the second haaaaaaarrrrrrfffff we didn't take enough long throws or punt the ball into the box enough. We didn't get Rory involved enough. Plus, Ryan's not that sort of lad".

This reporter has no idea who he's referring to there, probably just withdrawal symptoms from his glory days at the Britannia Stadium before his step up to the Leeds Combination Association Football League.

Coach Beane said: "I'm delighted with Tom. I actually wet myself watching him play. He was like Messi, Ronaldo and Ozil rolled into one, with a bit of Sebastien Squillaci there too".

AC Milan shirt guy also stated he would welcome Lee to the club: "As long as he helps us beat those f*****g c***s Churwell Lions. Those b******s are getting way too big for their f*****g boots and we want to climb above them to the top of the p*****g league".

Lee will be delighted to make the move from hoofball specialists Swillington Saints Welfare, where the long ball style of "play" was said to be "doing his head in", a source close to the forward has confirmed to this reporter. That and the "everlasting twatiness" of Swillington's laughably positioned centre midfielder Jamie Scott has helped convince Lee to make the switch across the Leeds region.

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