Twas my first day back at university today... yes the Christmas break lasted until February. Well anyway, this afternoon I was reading in the library and caught sight of a beautiful girl perusing the shelves and my brain was going 'girl pretty. Tom like'. As she was looking on the shelves she caught sight of me and seemed to look pleasantly at me.
I say 'pleasant', maybe she was just a pleasant person generally. She didn't clearly obviously smile at me otherwise I'd have seen that as an invitation, it was more of a vague smile. Anyway, I thought about going over and talking to her but it felt too uncomfortable and didn't know if it'd be inappropriate or not. Plus, what the hell am I going to talk to someone I've never met before about? The abysmally boring Salman Rushdie book I was reading? How insanely beautiful she is? My thoughts on how the current season of '24' I'm watching is going to end?* God knows.
I decided against it really through fear of embarrassment of being rejected in front of a quiet library and just being so unaware of what I'd say to her. That's not the part that's left me feeling like a testicle- deprived numpty though.
What is is that afterwards I bumped into her in the corridor where no- one was and we just smiled at each other as I let her first through the door (see, at least I'm a gentleman- testicles or no testicles) and I was ridden with the sudden fear. That was a great opportunity and I just let it pass me by.
Was it a great opportunity? Should I have talked to her? Or would it still have been inappropriate? I had similar incidents on holiday a few months ago, but then I had the excuse of our respective families being in the way of a Menorcan romance.
My lack of courage and know- how in those situations just makes me loathe myself at times like these. Put me in a classroom sat next to a girl and I'll make a good impression and actually be quite charming and make her laugh but put me in a scenario where I'm a public place looking at a pretty girl I've never met before and I crumble.
When I was younger I always pictured myself being quite the charmer with the ladies when I 'grew up' and I can talk to girls I know pretty well but I'm no Charlie Harper or Joey Tribbiani when it comes to chatting strange girls up in public. When I imagine it in my head, I'm great at it- confident, charming, always know what to say, but it's so much harder to stump up the courage to do that in real life.
What makes things worse is that I walked past her again on the stairs when I was leaving and still didn't manage to buck up the courage to talk to her. My bottle had well and truly gone. She was bloody gorgeous as well.
Let's just say I'll be scouring the campus over the coming days and weeks to see if I can find her again for chance number God knows what... I've lost count. Not in a stalky way of course though! I'll just keep a keen eye out when on my travels.
* Isn't that show an absolute belter by the way? I got the box set of all 8 seasons for Christmas and I've never watched them before. I'm thinking it's one of the best presents I've ever got, it's a brilliant programme. It just has everything. So exhilarating, action- packed, intriguing and addictive. If you've never watched it, do it now. Trust me.
(Image source: http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00428/chatted-up_280_428337a.jpg Accessed 5/2/2013)