Saturday, 2 February 2013

Goodison Amusements

I've just spent the afternoon at a real crackerjack of a game. Everton 3-3 Aston Villa. Wow. This fixture is always very entertaining and this time didn't disappoint either. I was readying myself for the slight possibility of an overdue dull game between these two but that is apparently impossible (mind you, I did predict 3-2 Everton).

Anyway, what makes the game even more enjoyable and entertaining are the characters sat around us at the game. They bring their own specific, individual qualities that they entertain us with and it's highly amusing, at least to me and my perhaps strange sense of humour.

One of those entertainers was Eating Man who's standards of amusement and entertainment value have somewhat declined over the last year or two but today he was back to his best. Sitting at a strange angle facing the aisle with his knees halfway into them as normal, he enjoyed spilling some of his coffee and intensely tucking into a Twix. The suspense at he multi- tasked with the classic football ground nourishments was palpible and rather funny. Watching a middle aged man spill and struggle with a coffee and sit like an 8 foot man in mini is what going to the football is all about...  isn't it?

Another top performer today was The Saint, and he was man of the match. The Irish firebox in front who looks a lot like Ian St. John, formerly of Liverpool, a.k.a 'The Saint' was on fire. Him turning around to rant about the incidents in the game with his bobble hat and satchel on, much like Alan from 'The Hangover', is one of the highlights of going to the game. I love the fact that he always rants to people behind him rather than the people next to him. Why turn around to rant?! That combined with his comical Irish tongue, girly satchel, amusing looking bobble hat and permanently aggressive tone make him the current crown jewel of the Goodison Park crowd.

He's permanently aggressive and miffed off, I've got this image of him at his wedding with his now wife- 'Mrs Saint', reading out his vows and telling her how much he loves her in an aggressive, angry tone, stood in front of her so he has to turn around the read the vows to her: 'You know, I f*****g love you I do, you're just the bloody love of my f*****g life you bitch!' He's a character alright. I'd love to see 'A Day In The Life Of The Saint' on TV.

There were also quality performances from Mad Man and Referee Hater and a new arrival in some bloke sat along our row who looked completely like he'd wandered through the wrong door somewhere along the line. He didn't look like a football fan at all- his mysterious persona, his trillby hat and his posh attire made him like he was going to see a classic play at the theatre rather than watch a cracking football match. And to add to that he was a rude twonk who just kept barging past us without any word of warning. He's got a long way to go before he reaches the status of The Saint though.

What would life be like without laughter ey?

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  1. Is spitting man still sitting behind you? When I went with your dad in the glory days, you had to wear a hat (preferably water proof). Then there was KA and his patch wearing son, I once spat a half digested lemon bonbon down his back soaking his Bob Latchford walk on water badge ( I think it was the first and only time I heard Billy Butler telling a funny joke over the tanoy). And a bloke who seemed to have an unending supply of photos of himself and EFC players.

  2. Funnily enough, my Dad told me to Bonbon story when we were at a game before Christmas because I think that Butler guy came back for a guest appearance and told a really bad joke about Fernando Torres and Helen Flanagan playing up front together (it must have been while I'm A Celebrity was on). Spitting Man isn't I think, I'm usually pretty dry so I guess so! We went to see them play at Wigan a couple of years ago though and I had a right spitter behind me... disgusting. I've heard about KA but didn't know about his son wearing a patch, he'd make a good addition to the Upper Bullens team nowadays, get a few pirate jokes in and all.