Stab Vests For Dogs

Over the last 8 days, I've had a job interview, a second interview and been invited to join the company's training course in preparation for working for them. So long story short, I've got a job. It's a pretty good one as well. I'll supposedly get £1200 a month if I attend the appointments they set for me, and will get more if I manage to make bonus sales through voluntary sales.

Basically, the job is selling air a water filtration systems, presenting them to customers to do so. I'll be given places to go by my employers, IDG/ Carico/ Skah Ltd and will attend those appointments and show those customers, in their homes apparently (but I imagine I'll be selling them to businesses as well), the products.

I won't be a Del Boy, but I will be teaching them about the products and why they should buy them. My wage isn't dependant on me making sales, which is good as it means there's less pressure, but I'm quite daunted by the prospect of telling strangers about the products and why they should purchase them off me after listening to me yak on about boring stuff like air and water.

But that's next week's problem. I've been on the second day of my training course today. It's been pretty enjoyable, everybody there is friendly and welcoming. It's quite layed back and informal there too, which I like.

There are one or two odd characters there. Most of them have provided me with private amusement, one being 'Russ' who's a 40 or 50- odd year bloke from Brighton who likes to think he's in the know about everything and 'speaks for the people'. He's got a confident southern accent and is basically a bit annoying. He's a really nice bloke to be fair, he just yammers on a bit too much for my liking. He's got dogs too, he was telling us, and he has apparently bought hem 'dog stab vests'.

Now, I'm sure when you read the title of my article, and the above sentence, you thought 'eh, what's he on about?' And that's exactly what I, and everyone else in the room thought when he informed us about this fact of his life. How the subject came up I don't know, but he says these 'dog stab vests' exist. 'Well, people can stab your dog' he says. Who? Who is going to stab a dog? And why would they stab a dog?

I don't know where he lives, but where I come from, dog stabbing lunatics aren't too much of a worry for me. We've got two dogs and I love them to bits, but I've never thought of them as being in danger of being stabbed.

The whole thing seemed pretty bizarre. Infact, I'll google them now... bloody hell, he wasn't bullshitting us, it is a real thing! They cost around £110 and you can buy them online. Well, I never. Well, you learn something every day don't you? (Apart from the days you don't.)

Anyway, elsewhere there's another slightly irritating bloke who looks like a cross between th bigger half of 'Penn and Teller' and Johnny Vegas. Yeah... a right ugly git that looks like he could swallow you whole. Again, he's a lovely bloke so I feel a bit bad picking on him here, but I'm going to anyway.

He's one of thos people who laughs at his own jokes, or 'jokes'. He'll say something, usually not very amusing, and then laugh as if he's just told a side splitter. Plus, when he laughs, he opens his mouth wide and shows us his ugly, mishapen, half- missing teeth. I made the mistake of sitting opposite him yesterday.

On a more positive note, there's a young, blonde girl there about my age called Melissa. She's from Middlesborough and is very pretty, so I'm hoping I see more often. After 5 minutes of being there today, I'd married her and become a fireman. The bloke running the training course used us as his role- play married couple when he was showing us how to sell the product and asked me what job I did (my character). I said a fireman, because I thought it was a cool- ish job and was a much better option than the other thing that popped into my head when he suddenly asked me- a planner (my Dad's job, sort of). Not exactly an exciting title is it?

So anyway, uncomfortable role- play, annoying yacking from Russ and eyesore teeth aside, it's been an enjoyable couple of days so far. Nah, I'm only kidding, I enjoyed all that stuff as well. It gave me a few giggles and a bit of entertainment. It's a lot better than being in a room with a load of dull, miserable people that don't speak.

I've got my final day of training tomorrow and then I've got to go practising over the weekend. Wish me luck! (I want to be able to afford a couple of those dog stab vests very soon.)